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If we never shake hands again what do we do instead? Speak.

Tuesday, 28 April 2020

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Leading experts are suggesting we stop shaking hands altogether. One of the last in-person talks I delivered at ECU was the School of Business and Law’s “Be Ready” Business Networking training for students. Shaking hands was covered as part of that training – as well as not shaking hands. In order to understand if we can ever stop doing it – and what we would do instead, it is important to know why we do it in the first place.

Handshakes existed for centuries but were not commonplace in Western European culture until the Quakers brought it into commonplace use as an alternative to bowing and curtsying which denoted class structures – something the egalitarian Quakers abhorred. Over the years, studies on greetings, from handshakes to hugs, shows that the Quaker aims were futile. The way in which we greet each other denotes intimacy as well as power in the relationship between people, regardless of the culture. Today, shaking someone’s hand can put you in the grip of a malady that is bringing the world to a grinding halt. Will we ever shake hands again? And does it matter?

Various kinds of alternative greetings have been proposed. But realistically there is one solution, and it works in the virtual, digital world too: we have to verbalise our feelings. Although touch is an effective way of communicating, that is what has to change. We now need to be more focused on voicing what we feel, and being truly egalitarian in doing so. If we are going to remove our sense of touch – and even it’s availability by Zooming and Skyping – then we need to speak. And more than we have ever before.

Australian etiquette is self-effacing, humble and often indirect. In public or business environments, we don’t like to be overly gushy. There is even a great Australian word for being too effusive: Twee. It feels awkward to say to someone you have never met before, to whom you are just being introduced, “I am so pleased to meet you, and would love to work with you.” Or “I have followed your work for a while and am really interested In your perspectives on this or that.” Or even “My colleague spoke so highly of you, you need no introduction!”.

Now is the time, when we cannot touch, to practice expressing feelings of warmth and welcoming through our eyes, smile and voice. This is especially the case online, in video-conference, as it helps us communicate if we overemphasise our feelings by about 10-15% to compensate for the medium. Videoconferencing, depending on the resolution, can wipe out the micro expressions we can pick up in person.

So, start practicing. Check yourself out in the mirror and on camera with an enthusiastic, but not twee, greeting which works from a 1.5 metre distance, or more; online or in person; in Australia  and everywhere.

Dr Nathalie Collins is the Director (International) in the School of Business and Law (SBL) at ECU. She is also a certified Emily post Business Etiquette Trainer. Email her on n.collins@ecu.edu.au with business etiquette questions you might have to feature in future columns of this newsletter. Nathalie also delivers short courses for SBL, now online as well. Find our more on the ECU Short Courses web pages.

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