Jess Hill and Grace Tame from the SBS Series Asking for it.
The nuances of consent and sexual violence are anything but simple, however SBS' Asking for It explores these complexities well — while revealing some uncomfortable truths about us as a society.
The documentary series argues there is a new sexual revolution, with consent at its heart.
Guided by author Jess Hill and screening its final episode on Thursday, Asking for It looks at the rising rates of sexual violence and the many intricacies of consent, which has sat at the forefront of recent public debate in Australia.
It’s an aspect of sex which is anything but simple — as sexologist and sex educator Lauren French says in the show:
"Consent is tricky."
The series explores some of these complexities, including the impact of pornography on sexual violence, the notion of power and the role it plays in sexual violence, or instances where a victim/survivor appeases their perpetrator as a survival mechanism, rendering it difficult for perpetrators to ascertain consent or allegedly believe consent was obtained.
It also delves into the invisibility of sexual violence in aged care facilities —highlighting sexual assault occurs across all age groups — the alarming rising rate of digital based sex crimes, and sharing survivor stories emphasising sexual violence can and mostly does occur with someone the victim-survivor knows.
As a whole, the series asks what we can do to help make the murky waters surrounding consent a bit clearer.
We can do this by talking more openly about sex and improving sex education in our schools and homes.
The Australian government has embedded consent as a mandatory component in health and physical education, examining aspects to consent such as power imbalances and coercion.
Ongoing research at Edith Cowan University is asking students aged 11-17 about their experiences of Relationships and Sexuality Education (RSE) at school and home.
Responses have been mixed.
It appears schools have encouragingly already included some form of consent education, with the young people we’ve spoken to reporting varying degrees of detail and quality.
Most teens were taught the mere basics: consent equals no means no and yes means yes, taught by teachers appearing untrained (the curriculum changes require no mandatory training) and confused about how to manoeuvre sexual scenarios safely.
While discussing consent in schools is a fantastic move forward, what has become most apparent is Relationships and Sexuality Education is sex education without discussing actual ‘sex’.
Fourteen-year-old participant Simon said useful information was lacking.
"I feel like a lot of it was just safety, like consent or the scientific stuff of the reproductive system, and it felt like a biology class instead of actually (about sex)," he said.
"We learnt about different parts and what they did, whereas I feel like there was not enough about actually staying safe or actually talking about sex."
We found teachers tend to talk around the concept of sex focusing instead on mechanical and biological aspects of sex and sexuality, leaving many students in the dark about other important aspects of sex.
Most schools appear afraid to talk about sex openly, with programs erring on the side of caution and using a "sex is bad" narrative which further stigmatises sex and sexuality.
When sex is talked around and not discussed more explicitly, this creates further shame, stigma and taboo around the notion of sex — thus further contributing to sexual violence.
If individuals were able to communicate more effectively about sex — obtaining it, engaging it, or safely refusing it if unwanted — there would be far more enjoyable and safe sexual experiences occurring.
The results of teaching consent in isolation, without necessary details and depth or the proper training required, can be ultimately devastating: some young people are unable to safely communicate a 'no' in unwanted sexual experiences, others are genuinely unaware a sexual act occurring may be non-consensual.
All in all, the scenarios explored in Asking for It remind us we have failed as a society.
Collectively, we haven't safeguarded our children or other members of society, nor equipped individuals with the necessary skills to navigate sex safely.
Asking for It shows consent in isolation is simply not enough, nor sufficient to tackle rising rates of sexual violence.
In addition to consent education, we need to address RSE's missing puzzle pieces: healthy conversations around sexual negotiation, education around empathy and treating other human beings with respect and care, and exploring entitlement and perceived rejection.
Once sex and consent become increasingly discussed, we can work collectively as a society towards deconstructing the taboo around sex and ultimately reducing sexual violence.
We can speak to our kids about sex without embarrassment, actually discuss sex in the classroom, talk to the elderly about safe sex, explore aspects of sex openly in our media, check in with friends and contribute to reducing the taboo surrounding sex.
When sex becomes less shameful, it becomes less of a mystery and elusive for potential perpetrators. It makes it safer for survivors to come forward.
We as individuals can collectively normalise sex and keep each other safe.
Giselle Woodley is a researcher and PhD candidate at Edith Cowan University.
This article was first published in The West Australian
