Netflix's "How to Build a Sex Room" offers a compelling and voyeuristic insight into the sex lives of others, and is also valuable in educating and enlightening its audience - particularly older viewers.
Offering a compelling and voyeuristic insight into the sex lives of others, Netflix’s “How to Build a Sex Room” sees regular couples turn unused spaces within people’s houses into areas dedicated to pleasure.
To do so, they turn to designer Melanie Rose who some may be surprised to discover is a sweet, unassuming grandma-like figure.
Rose claims sex rooms can be beautiful and, indeed, the transformations are enthralling.
But though the show may be titillating, it is also valuable in educating and enlightening its audience – particularly older viewers.
For younger people, relationships and sexuality education is slowly but surely improving; for instance, consent education was recently made mandatory in the Australian curriculum.
But where does that leave older generations in terms of sexual information?
In terms of accessibility, TV and entertainment can be great sources of sexual information and there are lessons about relationships and sexuality to be taken from How to Build a Sex Room.
While the title suggests the show is all about sex, Melanie’s design process forces couples to reassess and have frank and sometimes difficult discussions about their love lives.
This experience builds emotional intimacy and thus unexpectedly increases their bond.
The show is ultimately about sustaining connection.
Many couples find honest discussions around sex and fantasy, uncomfortable or difficult to approach.
In one episode, a couple reveals they have very little time for sex and the transformation of their bedroom saved their marriage.
Typically, as the honeymoon period fades and the stresses of work and childrearing emerge, sex can become stagnant or routine over time.
At one point another participant, Meaghan, realizes she’d “never made love before”, referring to the intimacy and care received from her partner as “what it’s supposed to be like”.
Meaghan reflects on how sex was a chore in previous relationships and her experience is reflective of many who are participating in unfulfilling sex without intimacy or love.
Sex is a key component for most human relationships; theorist Stenberg’s triangular theory of love states the key ingredients to a fulfilling relationship are passion, intimacy and commitment.
The ultimate combination involves equal doses of passion (drives of romance, desire and sex), intimacy (feelings of bonding, closeness, connectedness) and commitment.
Typically, over time, a long-term relationship may have strength in commitment with passion and even intimacy dwindling and contributing to relational dissatisfaction.
How to Build a Sex Room reinvigorates several couple’s passions, empowering them to engage with their deepest desires and build closeness within their relationship, thus embodying the three parts of Sternberg’s triangular theory.
The show exemplifies sex-positivity by reducing stigma and being open about sex, as well as showing diversity of human relationships.
As one participant puts it: “Intimacy can look a thousand different ways”.
There are depictions of queer, monogamous and even polyamorous relationships, highlighting that “Love is not finite”.
Some of the complete sex rooms contain risqué items and allude to BDSM practices.
Recent research from the Institute of Psychiatry, Psychology and Neuroscience at King’s College in London found up to 70 per cent of individual fantasies are BDSM related, illustrating kinky tendencies are far more prevalent than realised.
In conjunction with the rise of alternative sexualities and relationships depicted in the media, interest in kink and BDSM has also risen.
While the show depicts BDSM in a positive light, it does overlook the fundamental aspects of consent, which are key to the kink community.
If one is interested in kink, it is best to do some research, a good place to start would be frameworks such as “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink” (RACK) and the traffic light system.
One does not necessarily have to build a sex room filled with whips and chains to re-build connection.
Setting aside time to engage with one another, embracing vulnerability to have difficult conversations and negotiations around desire, boundaries and fantasies and responding with empathy, acceptance and playfulness are all tools which can be used for connectedness.
Ultimately, How to Build a Sex Room operates as great teacher and showcases the (often overlooked and important) benefit of rekindling passion, intimacy and ultimately love - a core component of human relationships.
Giselle Natassia Woodley
Edith Cowan University researcher and PhD candidate.
This article originally appeared in the West Australian.
